prisillysaurus:

imanassspankme:

Something I hear time and time again from Nice Guys™ is that they get friend-zoned, which I guess is some awful injustice. Nice Guys™ seem to regard their relationships with women as successful or valuable only if the relationship is sexual or romantic in nature. Therefor friendship equals failure.

But you know what, Nice Guys™? Fuck you. If you’re going to treat my friendship as though it’s falling short, you don’t deserve to be my friend.

I’m tired of being called a bitch because I’m attracted to people who aren’t you. I’m tired of you throwing pity parties because you think you’re entitled to my commitment and sex, all because you’ve “been there for me.” You have zero respect for me, which is evident by the fact that you don’t give a shit about what I say unless it’s what you want to hear. I’m tired of having to let you down easy time after time because if I hurt your feelings, I’m afraid you’re going to hurt me.

You want to whine about how every girl chooses an asshole over you. God forbid you take a moment and think, “Hey, I’m the common denominator in all these failed attempts. Maybe, just maybe, there’s something I could be doing differently.”

Of course not, you’re nice.

“Nice” guys can be the worst kind of guys. They’re manipulative, passive-aggressive, self-interested chauvinists. They are the liars—the ones who tell you what they think you want to hear to get “closer” to your pants you. They are the “I don’t know” guys—the ones who beg and plead when you’re about to leave them because they don’t know what they did wrong. They want you to tell them so that they can “fix” it because they need you to spell everything out for them even if they’ve been making the same mistake and you’ve told them for the umpteenth time. Fuck “nice” guys.

They cling to her, and want to be “one” with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him…

more here.

There are some cissexist and “traditional” male-female courtship things in here that I disagree with, but otherwise it’s not bad.

It’s not saying that Nice Guys are somehow horrible or that they are evil people. It’s saying that the way they think and behave can be seriously manipulative and creepy. Reading this years ago didn’t make me think, “damn i’m a loser and I suck and I should die”, it made me think, “wow I really need to stop doing this misogynistic, objectifying, self-entitled bullshit.” It’s not even saying that there aren’t women who are jerks (it acknowledges that there are), or that there aren’t men who are jerks (there are too). It’s just saying that Nice Guys are a different kind of brand on jerkiness.

baileythebookworm:

This is pretty much only applicable to my heterosexual dating experience, although I am sure there are plenty of LGBT people who have dealt with “Nice Guy” or “Girl” syndrome - being an asshole isn’t really confined to heterosexuality. But this is just a heads up that this post is based on my own cisgender and heterosexual experience and is by no means representative of anything beyond that. Also, TW for the story of an abusive relationship.

On to the shredding!

Dear “Nice Guys,”

Here’s some advice. Whining about how awful and shallow women are because they won’t have sex with you even though you are THE NICEST OF MEN and help them move furniture, paint their homes, walk their dogs and are their friends means that you’re not a nice guy. It means you’re a “Nice Guy.” “Nice Guys” are the sorts of guys who think that niceness equates to a karmic return of all the ladybits, somehow.

Newsflash, gentlemen: Being nice does not mean that you have a right to my body. Helping me shift furniture around doesn’t mean I’m under contract to become your boner-receptacle as a way of saying thank you. Sometimes, being nice just means you’re a good friend. It doesn’t mean you get access to vagina.

Niceness is not a free pass to my body. I am not required to fuck you because you, a man who was being nice, was nice to me, a person who is a woman. Being nice does not entitle you to sex. In fact, being nice is about the baseline of what I expect from any human being ever - it is not in and of itself a fuck-worthy accomplishment. It’s something that you should do because being nice is, you know, nice.

Using your so-super-nice personality to try to guilt trip women into sexy funtimes with you means you don’t have a nice personality. You have a manipulative personality and a warped view of what sexual relationships should be based on (hint: it’s not how nice everyone is!). Being friendly and polite and helpful to your friends is a great way to create and sustain a relationship; being friendly and polite and helpful to your friends because you think they will have to sleep with you if you’re nice is a great way to end friendships and potential dating opportunities.

I’ve dated nice guys. I’ve dated a couple of “Nice Guys,” who were the sort of guys who thought hanging out with me somehow meant that I was required to screw them. There is a big and noticeable difference between a nice guy and a “Nice Guy.” Nice guys, first of all, don’t feel the need to justify or point out how nice they are. They’re just nice people. They also have other qualities that contribute to people wanting to have enthusiastic and fun sex with them: for example, shared interests, the ability to have a normal conversation, mutually agreeable personalities, similar goals. Sometimes just being horny and with someone you’re physically attracted to results in joyous, happy sex.

Notice that in none of the above did I say, “This guy held open a door for me, so of course I immediately gave him a blowjob.”

That’s not how it works. The fact that “Nice Guys” expect women to be so grateful for their niceness that we’ll screw them is so ridiculous it is almost unintelligible to me. I don’t know how many more ways to say this, but being a genuinely nice guy is still not enough to equate to sex (sometimes it might, in the right context, but being nice isn’t a free pass to fun-town, is my point here). Being a “Nice Guy” is actually a very easy way to ensure that nobody wants to have sex with you.

It irritates me to nearly my last nerve that I have male friends who have complained to me that they can’t get a giiiirlfriend and no one will sleeeeep with them even though they’re so niiiiiice. Most girls are able to tell when a guy is nice to them because he’s a good person, and when he’s “nice” to them because he wants to get their pants off. It annoys the absolute hell out of me that men think women “only like guys who treat them like shit” and “nice guys never get anything.” That’s complete and utter bullshit. The image of women only wanting “the bad boy” is almost exclusively confined to romantic comedies and is a way to dismiss women’s real, actual desires with regards to relationships.

Speaking as a woman who dated a “Nice Guy” who proceeded to isolate me from all my friends, verbally, emotionally and eventually physically abuse me, being a “Nice Guy” and treating women like shit are not only not mutually exclusive, they often seem to go hand in hand. Rarely have I seen a post from a “Nice Guy” where he wasn’t talking about how much he likes and respects women in one paragraph and then calling them vicious harpy Satan-creatures in the next. Women do not like being verbally, emotionally or physically abused. Being treated like shit is not a turn-on. Women want to date guys who treat us well because we are human beings who deserve to be treated well. We don’t want to date “Nice Guys” who actually ascribe to the notion that not being a complete jackass somehow means you get to fuck us.

So, from all the women who are sick of “Nice Guys” as well as the complaining we hear about how nice you are and how much we suck for not seeing that and immediately ripping our clothes off, I’d like to issue a heartfelt, “Fuck you.”

All my best.